[ Stories ] [ Crumplebottoms and Meyers ]

Burble alone

Burble decided she didn't like living with the slobs, as they expected her to do all the cooking and cleaning, just as Ma Crumplebottom had done for them.

She talked herself into digs with Feisal Hughes, a co-worker. "I know you said the spare bedroom was small but this kitchen?"

"Not a kitchen, it's a closet... oops, I smell smoke."


Of course, he put it out. "Mind where you're pointing that thing!"

And then told her what he thought of her.

"Firefighting would be a much less dangerous career than working with YOU!"

"Well, why don't you go work at the firestation then!"

He did, and so was rarely home, which suited her very well.

She spent time inspecting the local "talent". Not very inspiring.

And they inspected her. Did they look up at her eyes?

"Drama is good: theatre is bad."

Zombie Jezzer meanwhile found himself a tiny apartment 1, a converted garage, one room with a minute bathroom. He started to work on a broken-down car.

He practised his "Performance Art" on the beach nearby, as there wasn't room at home.

And all these folks turned up. "Hey man, chill. We're your new roomies." Up to six of them at a time. There were no beds, not even any rooms for them; nor did they ever offer him any rent. So every day he sent them packing and every day more roomies turned up. He suspected Liam of putting up an ad at the lettings agency.

His only real company was a constantly depressed sprite. Somebody stole his car, broken as it was. He sulked.

But payback is golden! or in this case, bright red.

He was distracted and mildly fascinated by this woman. It must have been the cupcakes.

"I know I'm older than you, but I would like some company. And someone to cook my meals, wash my socks, you know."

"Er. No."

He took her to the Boardwalk to woo her.

"You can get down on your knees to me anytime,"

"But marriage? Oh no, I don't think so. I have commitment issues."

A little later...

In walked her roomie, Faisal.

"Frammit, this is MY room! And aren't you supposed to be at the fire station?"

"It's where the wardrobe is!"


"She glows..." thought Jezzer. "I gotta have me this woman."

"I'm not looking, honest."

"Nothing to see, now GET OUT!"

"I said no already!"

"Oooh, sparkly!"

Nothing to see? There must have been SOMETHING. He left, with a promise of another date at the Boardwalk.

"I have an incurable disease. It's called life."

"For life is quite absurd,
and death's the final word.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you."

Back at Jezzer's little house.

When they had got rid of the nightly wannabe roomies, Burble moved in with him. She was dreaming about one of the roomies... to be fair, Zombie Jezzer was quite old, and he was, already, a zombie.

And fourth time lucky!

"Why not," she sighed. "But you need a better bed. That one's horrid. Let's go shopping!"

So in the furniture showroom, "I'll cast Good Luck on you. Perhaps it'll get us a special deal."

"Oww that smarts!"

"Hey, this shop has a bar."

"While we are here, we could try out this bed."

A little drunk, Burble streaked around the showroom.

Crocodile tears for the benefit of the sales assistant.

Just to be sure we know what happened: here is a CCTV shot of Jezzer holding the poisoned apple Burble had placed on a table in the showroom. The picture was sent to the local police later that day by the sales assistant, who was promptly sacked and told to "Mind his own business, not the customers'. And make sure they don't bounce on the beds! We had complaints about some Sim streaking too, where were you then?"

Chicano police are "investigating". And Burble thinks she's pregnant. Again.


1Turd Ferguson's Reduced Expectations Apartment from MATY.