Stories ]

Monte Vista Gossip

Lance Armstrong moved into Monte Vista when he had to change careers urgently. No matter. At his age he was too old for pro sports. No need to dwell on past mistakes. What opportunities would this new land bring, where he was unknown rather than infamous?

Meanwhile, at the Klostermann manor:.

Oona certainly did NOT want to marry Duke.

"You're my manservant.You always have been."

"Actually, you took me on to be your groom and your driver. And in case you forgot, I'm the father of your daughter."

"Yes, well. You are NOT - for marrying."

The row rumbled on for many days.

"And don't you think that my daughter will be coming with you. She's setting off for boarding school on Monday."

"My sister and her hubby would be happy to have us. They have children, she would be happy with the other kids."

"No I wouldn't," said Livia. "They are PLEBS! I don't want to hang out with servants and servants' children, do I Mama?"

"Certainly not, my darling. You will go to that wonderful Smugsworth school and meet lots of INTERESTING and WEALTHY Sims."

Once Oona actually started to believe that he was planning to leave, she changed tack.

"But I NEED you! The kids need you."

"We don't have any horses here. And the children are old enough to be at school most of the day."

"I can't live without your cooking. You make the best hot dogs!"

She had a flashback to a very special hot dog he had made for her last birthday party, which he called a Twilly. This was a hot dog nestled inside a Twinkie and covered in peanut butter and bacon. He said he got the idea from the Net.

"Hot dogs... Oona, there are more important things in life than food!"

"Oh, really? Name one!"

"Seriously, if I stay here, it has to be on a more equal footing. I'm not prepared to call you 'Mistress' any more. Nor am I going to be your Oscar Meyer Wiener any more."

She had the grace to blush at this and paused for breath.

"But if you left I would have to hire a BUTLER!"

"Well, maybe you would. Wouldn't that be sad? You would have to pay someone to do all the things I've done for free. Well, some of them. I don't know that you could get anyone to do ALL I've done for you even if you paid them."

"You b..."

Duke turned on his heel and left the room as she started to scream. He was tired of being treated like a servant, tired of his wants being ignored; Oona had always been mistress of the house, which had amused him for some time, but now he felt he had rather grown out of that game.

In the end, he asked her for all his back pay. She huffed but paid him.

He did stay for Onan's birthday party.

(Onan was not his son, but the result of a chance encounter Oona had in Barmy Bay. For years she had claimed Onan had been a virgin birth, as she couldn't even remember Onan's father's name now, but knew it was something "unpronouncable".)

Livia seemed to be the only one who really enjoyed the party. "Come on, Onan, do the thing with the cake! I like waffles but I want CAKE!"

"Shush, squirt - this is hard - eeerrrkkk!"

Thinking while they ate, after the guests had left, Oona came to a decision.

She got on the telephone. "No, IMMEDIATELY. Tomorrow will NOT do. Yes, I will pay your out-of-hours rates. Just GET OVER HERE!"

Poor Onan was totally "fragged" as he put it by the time the women had finished messing with his hair.


And so Duke moved out. He bought a tiny cottage called Unmarred Utopia, well away from Oona's mansion. He also took the car.

"Now, Mrs High and Mighty, let's see you fend for yourself for a bit. Time for me to have a life of my own. And maybe a horse! Maybe even a girlfriend..."

That last idea felt deliciously naughty, so he headed out to the local tavern, and met a local girl, one Paolo Romano. Strange name, but who cared about her name? She had nice eyes behind those glasses, a pretty figure, and happily listened all night as he poured out his troubles.

"She's sending my daughter away to that snob school, just to get back at me. And that's all I'm worth to her. I was her Twilly Oscar Meyer Wiener. That's all," he sobbed into his third nectar.

The next day, fighting a severe headache, he went to look for work at one of the restaurants in town. Cooking had always been his third favourite thing, next to horses and looking after babies. Maybe now he could achieve all three things.


Lance Armstrong is a Sim I made, you can download him here.

Duke Bunmui is another, find him here with his sister.

A Twilly is a kind of hot dog produced by Randy Walters for Pittsburgh Willy's.